Sunday, July 13, 2014
I saw this rainbow shortly after I got the news of a relative's death. It was very unexpected. The death, not the rainbow.
It was a busy funeral, the church was filled, the over-flow room had to be used. Afterwards there was tea & cakes in the church hall, which was so full it was unbearable.
It was lovely to see my extended family, although in such shocking and sad circumstances.
Saturday, June 07, 2014
to like me
And I don't understand it at all
I am bewildered and perplexed
and I do not know
What is there to like?
What are they after?
Are you this fucked up that you don't believe that anyone could like you?
And the answer seems to be yes.
Yet I function and live
I have love and I live
But I guess as someone who's afraid
Waiting for the punchline
Waiting for the rug to be be pulled.
I saw a man driving, top-down, arm nonchalantly thrown across the front seats, driving one-handed.
But wait, he's actually steadying something.
Oh, it's a window? Or metal screen?
It's laid across the back, and sat in the rear, steadying the other side, with so little room the edge of it is at her throat, with her head flung back, is a woman.
All it takes is an emergency stop, and her head's going to be rolling rolling rolling down the highway.
The stupid, it burns!
Wednesday, June 04, 2014
Yesterday I noticed that workmen had moved all their extra stuff into the women's loos at work, while they're working on the disabled toilets. It really bugged me, because the men's toilets are directly opposite, about the same distance and same size, possibly bigger, and I was wondering why it was the women's ones they had chosen to use. I was thinking about feminist issues surrounding women's space being treated as less important and such. Then I realised that the door of the disabled opens against the men's, so actually it's likely a matter of convenience. This was actually a huge relief to me. Which is good, it means I'm not just looking for things to be angry about.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Lying in the sunshine today.
Discovering the little pond in the garden is a wealth of life, even though it was through a death I found this out: there was a dead toad floating, looking rather like the blown up animals Shrek & Fiona made. On fishing it out, I had a poke round and disturbed newts and other beasties. I had thought it but a fetid pool awaiting some tlc.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
I read this at Captain Awkward's blog and it seems really important to me, so I'm quoting it here, to remind me and for me to keep for others, potentially.
"So, this is big. When you feel lonely and needy and isolated, and you make the effort to go somewhere, and you don’t really find anyone you connect with, it’s very easy to weave it into the story of loneliness and failure that you’re experience, a.k.a. Well I TRIED and it DIDN’T WORK and now there’s PROOF.
You have to actively fight against that mentality. It’s not fair. It’s exhausting. But every time you go to a thing and/or talk to a new person, make sure you congratulate and reward yourself for your efforts. Write it down in a journal somewhere. Give yourself a gold star. Tell yourself a different story, one that goes like this: You are doing good things to take care of yourself! You are learning the skill of meeting new people and building a social life as an adult, and that is something that a lot of people need if the volume of questions I get here is any indication. You are learning to find people you connect with; one part of that is figuring out where you don’t belong. Tell yourself that you put on clean clothes and showered and you tried. You saw a terrible band at the local anarchist collective and ate the worst food of your life at the vegan potluck and you listened to crabby Old Farmer Olsen talk about his hip pains for the 1700th time, and even if he didn’t really appreciate it, his wife had a good time not having to deal with him and getting to talk to some new people for a change. You helped give food to people who really need it. You marked trails for hikers who will appreciate not being lost. You petted kittens and puppies who need homes. You learned a new expansion pack of a board game. You gave your parents some alone time without having their roommate underfoot. You are doing the best you can. You are learning new skills. You are finding new interests and strengths. You are doing your best to take your place among your fellow humans. That’s all you can control, and the rest is up to luck."
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Listening to spoken word poetry all morning.
"Are you listening?! Can you hear me" - his voice really moved me on those words (Ken Arkind's God Box).
Fluffy clouds! It's been a beautiful day and the skies were dotted with the kind of clouds children make in pictures with cotton wool. Makes me smile.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
OK, I want to write about a good thing a day, see how that works out.
Something I feel good about is turning back to open a shop door for an old lady in a motorised wheelchair = good deed for the day, I guess.
I feel good about the sunshine, about remembering to put the guinea pigs out for some grass, about doing some drawing yesterday, about my friend and my husband.
Monday, May 12, 2014
I bloody hate this advert from Always for overnight sanitary towels. It pretty much uses the exact script of a nappy advert, which really flicks my switch: "I can wriggle" and lullaby music. Argh! Infantilise women much?
What would be a good ad for sanitary products? I don't know - stop being so prissy or 'empowering' (white trousers & roller skating, anyone?) - just the facts please and not this this this idiotic tip-toeing. Urgh.
Thursday, May 08, 2014
evo-psych proves to be a lot of old hooey.
Pharyngula: "Years and years of studies by scientists trying to explain women’s behavior by their hormonal fluctuations are gradually falling apart. We’ve heard so many inconsistent, contradictory tales of how fertility/menstruation turns women into unconscious breeders or nurturing mothers, how women are driven to ‘hypogamy’ by their evolutionary instincts (that’s a big one with the MRAs), and how mate choices wobble from alpha to beta over the course of a month" - all rot.
Wednesday, April 09, 2014
Wednesday, April 02, 2014
I was putting together a piece of office equipment, and several of the blokes got interested and I could feel their desire to take over.
No, no, I hogged it, it was my pet project to keep me from doing my actual work - let them find their own diversion!
I did it really efficiently and well, and one of the disappointed audience road-tested it laughingly.
He told me I'd make someone a good husband one day. Hehehe.
Which exists only between friends and potential lovers. You drink enough to embolden you to make advances and negotiate rudeness, which, if not reciprocated in good order, you both just pretend were never said, to save face.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Friday, March 14, 2014
"Yes. By all means. Let’s have a calm, reasonable debate about abortion. Let’s have a calm, reasonable discussion about my basic humanity, and my basic human right to physical autonomy. Let’s have a calm, reasonable discussion about whether I should be forced, by law, and at significant risk to my own health and safety and life, to donate my organs for nine months to an embryo/ fetus. Let’s have that discussion again. And again. And again and again and again and again and again. And again.
"And then, perhaps, we can have another panel at another atheist conference about why there aren’t more women in the atheist movement." - Greta Christina on FB.
All the yeses.
I used to hang out at some atheist message-boards, and it was mostly filled with white middle class guys in the US bemoaning how oppressed they were by the word God on the dollar. They were winning at the oppression olympics and would throw me under the bus, no problem, if violence against women, consent or reproductive rights came up. That was something to play devil's advocate about, that was something to intellectually wank over. Yeah, fuck you guys.
This is why I no longer hang out in those places, because nothing mattered beyond masturbating over how smart they were to be able to pull apart the Bible or piss on homeopathy. I'll do that too, but I want more than that: I'm an idealist (and a cynic), I want a better world. For women, for LGBT people, for people of colour. I don't want the same shit, run by the same section of society, just sans religion.